help me, Jillian!

when you're letting your weight creep up & up ... it means you've given up on life and you've signed your death certificate way too early! - this is what i get from Jillian Micheals' programme Losing It With Jillian on Hallmark, although not in so many or exact words.

i do wonder ... how do we get this big? what have we let go that made us gave up on so many things?

i can't speak on my husband's behalf. he has to figure it out himself but i always remind him that i am here & there for him, always.

but who is here & there for me always?

i can't whine about that. why? because it just hit me. why should i want someone to be here & there for me when i am not here & there for myself?! i should be the 1st one here & there for me.

watching the programme has inspired me.

i remember when i was 12 years younger i was energetic & i was taking care of myself. i guess ... no, i know, when i got married, i handed over my life to my husband because i have a husband! that doesn't make sense, right? right! just because he is my husband, he is not responsible for my body or happiness ... that's my job, i am responsible for myself!

my weight begin to pile up because i was unhappy, not with him but myself but, being the coward that i am, i blamed my husband. his weight also increased and it's partly because of me :o(

i have to learn & relearn to be responsible for myself. i have to take care of myself. i can see the light but it's still in the distant. i hope to get closer to it.

i need help, i do but i have to help myself first! i have to start somewhere and that is now.

please sya ... focus!







note to self:
Jangan pandai cakap je Sya, buat le!