Tuesday, June 29, 2010

i'm bored.



when it's just between you & your hubby, there's no one else you would miss more (parents & siblings are a whole other issue). and hope he misses you as much too.

no kids to live for.

no kids to care for.

just the two of you.

how else to keep the sparks flying, more so the marriage going, if not giving all you've got for each other?

in the equation of getting things ongoing, there will always be a party who is adrift. this is when the other has to work hard to shake things up.

and ... i know sometimes my entries will bore you (and even me) when i'm not in the mood for mushy things but, this is just for my marriage. i need to keep it alive.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

i wish i was included. here i sit, across the table, feeling left-out. there they sit. mom & baby. grandparents with grandson. me? just a lonely aunt, sitting at the other end of the table.

i'm sad.
sometimes i think people just don't understand. maybe i'm just being paranoid or over sensitive. but then again, why would anyone believe what i say when i don't have what they have. what authority do i have in the area?


sometimes i feel like i just have to fight for my nephews' attention. i guess it's all my fault.

earlier on, it seem that my parents would have a hard time just to be with their grandchildren. so i made it a point to maximize their time together in anyway i can ... meaning, i don't try to maximise my time with my nephews. now, i get this feeling that i don't have any time with any of them. mcm tak bg je.

mcm taknak share je.

ye lah ... sape lah sya kan?

just a childless aunt who doesn't know much about babies.

sometimes, ... many times, i've asked hubby to run away with me. just be on our own. maybe with less stress, we can have a baby. maybe.

should we?
do you bake?

i don't but i wish i could. to me, baking is intimidating. i'm not confident when it comes to baking. cooking, i'm ok with it.

i have a very sweet tooth but since i've been diagnosed with diabetes ... there goes my dream of becoming a baker.

duuuush ... down the pipes!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

i miss my hubby.

i love him. i miss his hugs. i miss hearing his voice. i miss pampering him. i miss him getting on my nerves. i miss him smile, his kisses, his eyes. i miss hearing him snore as he sleeps beside me.

he is a good man. he is loyal. trustworthy. caring, in his own way. i wish we had kids, he would make a great father. he's the kinder, patient & happy one. i'm the fierce, panicky and miserable one. we're totally opposites but ... compliment each other ... i hope.

as much as i had complained to him about him, he has done none to me. i wish i was more like him. i would never trade him for another and if another woman would so ever touch even a hair on his head or body, she'll have me holding her hair!

i wish we would some day have a child. he would be a good father and i hope to be a good mother.

good night, abang. i love you and i am excited to see you again tomorrow night. come home to me safely.
when we were younger, we were quite defiant. we're ok. we can & will have babies.

as we get older, we know we have missed several boats. now, we're hoping we're not abandoned yet. we're still trying , always have been but can't say that we've been all out at it. health factors play a big role in our sex life.

watching my nephews grow made us realise what we've be missing. alot. it's heartbreaking at times but wishful thinking is all we have left.

all 3 boys are at a cute age where they are discovering things for the first time. aiman's learning to crawl. qaim is learning to wean off breastfeeding. qaed is also learning to play now.

i do have some regrets but insyaAllah, we'll not quit yet.

Monday, June 21, 2010

i got upset the other day. i know i was being sort of childish but i think i had the right too. i was lonely and missing hubby so very much. i gushed my feelings about him in a text message and he didn't reply! well ... he did try to call but couldn't because i swicthed off the phone. i was embarrassed. what i really wanted was for him to reply to my text. i wanted to read what he had to say or feel. and he didn't. i bawled my eyes out. i was really hurt and heart-broken. i know he loves me but i wished he had told me as often as he could and as much as i want to hear it. am i being clingy? i hope not. i just miss him & feel lonely & bored.

Monday, June 14, 2010

I need you now ...

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

woah woaaah.

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all

It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now

And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

I just need you now (wait)

Ooo, baby, I need you now


my heart cries whenever i hear this song ...