Friday, July 30, 2010

a flattering memory?

a trip down memory lane.


speeding ticket.

PJ police station to pay summons.

office took money and asked for number.

a day later he called.

summon was reduced.

he also asked to meet up for a cup of coffee & return the money.

erm ... no, thank you.


who? skinny guy?


oh ... he thought my fiancee (ex) was my lil brother!


as amusing as it was ... it was also flattering!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

em bloating, doc!

went to hukm on monday to report in the latest development.

after a scan, prof decided to change my meds.

bye Provera, hello Duphaston!

right now, i feel like i'm a pregnant woman! i feel bloated and nauseous since after lunch. any smell from the kitchen just aggravates my senses into hyperdrive.

i'm confused. i had a good lunch with great company ... so why do i feel this way?

ah ... it's the meds!
not only that, i also noticed that i have been purging since tuesday which i thought was gastric or food-poisoning.

alright prof, get ready for my call tomorrow.

30Jul - nope, didn't call the prof ....

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

work is endless for my hubby.

everytime he has to travel, he'd always have to sleep late.


finish up whatever report that he has to emailor hand in by tonight or before he flies.

this time, he has to check his staffs' work.

it's nearly 2 and he has to wake up at 5.30 to get into his cab at 6.15 to catch a flight at klia at 8.20am!

here i am waiting for him. tak sampai hati nak tido sambil dia duk buat keje. tak tolong takpelah ... temankan je.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

hubby's away for the night. he went back to check on his mother.

why didn't i go back too? it's just for a night & the flight fare is very expensive.

furthermore, we'll be driving home in 2 weeks time for a kenduri.

i'm bored ....

ate early at 6pm. now i'm craving for something sweet. nak pi beli cake, malas nak tukar baju tido. so, what am i doing?

bubur kacang hijau ;o)

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

selamat jalan, kak Dalilah.

selamat kembali kpd yg Maha Esa, Pencipta kita.

semoga roh dicucuri rahmat & ditempatkan bersama umat2 yg soleh.

i'll be missing you.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Sindhi ...nehhi!

i made extra chicken sindhi last night.

then today made buttered raisin rice - twice.
1st one for my parents' lunch. 2nd was for two friends who were coming over for lunch.

we had a good lunch but enough of buttered rice & sindhi for me today. 2 days in a row is much enough!

i haven't done the dishes ... tired! jap lagi lah.

so, what to cook for dinner. my mind is telling me something soupy, clear soup ... bihun/mee/kwayteow soup maybe?

no noodles at home but pasta ... hmm ....

lemme think ....

Thursday, July 15, 2010

seronok hari ni.

made chicken sindhi & buttered pea rice for dinner.

tak cukup masin tapi sedap jugaklah.

hubby came home surprised to a special dinner.

i'm happy that he's happy altho he's dead tired and continued with his work after dinner.

kesiannya but at least perut kenyang.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


cerdik adik ipar sya.

belajar baking & cooking from YouTube ajer.

jimat duit!

takpelah ... lain org lain cara mencari sumber, kan?

thank you for your bright idea, sis!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

terasa macam self-exposed pulak bila upload our pictures dalam FB.

terasa macam ada yang dengki juga.

terasa macam ada yang menyampah juga.

takde niat nak menunjuk, cuma nak berkongsi keseronokan kami.

kalau ada yg anggap lain ... nak buat macamana. tak dapatlah saya nak menentukan apa yang terlintas dalam kepala masing2.

kalau boleh ... amanlah dunia ini!

Monday, July 12, 2010

note to self ~

  • count your blessings!

  • stop whining about what you don't have but be thankful & grateful about what you do have.

  • He knows best.
  • furthermore, people don't want to keep hearing you whine!
  • do something about it! life isn't static unless you made it so.
  • come on, get up!

am i?

i wonder ...

have i ever been a good friend?

a good daughter/daughter-inlaw?

a good wife?

a good sister/sibling?

a good person?

who am i to say that i am good?

i am only what i am by what my family & friends think of me.

a beautiful dream

i had a nice dream last night .... actually, it was this morning. after the game was over.

i woke up just in time to watch the World Cup during its extra 15 minutes. hubby's been watching since 2.30am.

so when we got back to bed, i had the dream.

i dreamt of being married to a guy who looks like Chef Micheal Smith. the man who was my husband in my dream lloked like CMS but in my heart, it felt like it was my actual hubby.

anyway ....

we were unhappy with our living arrangements. living in one of my parents home with hand-me-downs furniture etc.

we were unhappy. so one day we decided to be independent, no matter how hard it was going to be.

so, we bravely bought a smaller house, decorated it to our taste and lived happily, free of anybody's scrunity or stress!

and in that dream, i also became pregnant. the happy, healthy environment helped us to get pregnant!

when i woke up, i was still smiling. i loved the dream.

what was the message behind that dream?

change. decide. live our life the way we want it. hmm... can we?

i know one thing for sure. it might never be that way .... *sigh*
semalam ada kelas tajwid.

ustaz ajar ttg makhraj huruf2.

sya ni tak pernah khatam qur'an. dulu kuat main dari mengaji. sekarang baru nak belajar. alhamdulillah terbuka hati. syukur alhamdulillah.

ramai dlm kelas kami. ada ustaz & 13 pelajar tua.

semalam kami mula membetulkan bacaan Al-Fatihah & muka surat pertama Al-Baqarah. setiap sorang ikut giliran.

sebenarnya ustaz kata, pilihlah mana satu nak baca, bukan baca kedua2nya.

tapi since abah sya start dulu, dia pi baca dua2nya. dah semua org kena baca semua juga.

sya mana lah practice selama ni. Al-fatihah oklah. tapi Qur'an? sya panik. sya baca Al-Fatihah aje. malu tapi terpaksa.

lepas kelas tajwid, semua orang dah balik, tengah kemas pinggan2 & gelas2 makan minum ringan, mama pun bertanya ...

kenapa baca Fatihah aje?


sorry ma, sya tak confident nak baca tadi. sya dah agak dah mama nak tanya.

mama sya terdiam.

mama sya ni, samada heran sya tak baca or malu dgn tetamu anaknya tak tahu baca.


sorry to disappoint you, ma. sya baru nak start. please give me space.

sebenarnya sya tak boleh nak praktis mengaji dengan mama sya. stressed sangat!

2nd Cooking Class

i am still happy from yesterday's adventure!

i am so glad that abang agreed to follow me to my 2nd cooking class. mahal wooo but worth every sen!

i think he had a better time than i did hehehe

the chef adored him!

it was good seeing him trying new things. he does know how to cook but basic food and he hasn't cooked much since we got married. i remembered that he made nasi goreng once and that was about 10 years ago!

this time he made 'Lemon Chicken' & 'Parsley Buttered Rice'. he did a very good job!

we have never worked on a project together and this cooking class was our 1st. it was a blast! we had lots of fun :o) i think we both are looking forward to the next one :o)

Saturday, July 10, 2010

nightmares: yours or mine?

do we have a psychic connection or something?!

i dreamt of her last night. in my dream, she called me up. she was in a jovial mood, asking why i hadn't wish her on her birthday. in my dream, i was bewildered & confused. i wondered why was she calling me? after all this time when she had dumped me.

that was a weird dream!

even weirder is when i read on her fb that she had a nightmare last night! i guess she dreamt of me, i was her nightmare!

hubby laughed when i told him. he said we have unresolved issues, hence the nightmare.


Friday, July 9, 2010

buatan orang?

mama hasn't been well the last few days. she has been complaining about wind and pain in her abdomen. it seem to affect her back too. she's experiencing loss of breath, pain in her chest and fatigue.

i, on the other hand, have been in such an angry mood. marah sangat. the slightest unsatisfied feeling or memory crops up, i'll go into a terrible fit.

as i go crazy, a voice in me will be asking myself, why the hell & what the c*** is making me so pissed off??!

when i came by this evening. my dad told he that he's taking mama to Darul Syifa'.

suddenly everything made sense. no wonder i was so pissed off for no apparent reason. i was also unsympathetic towards my mom who was in pain.

it was thing again. gangguan manusia & iblis.

this is the 2nd time this had happened. whenever my mom gets sick, badly sick like this, i'd be angry & couldn't careless about her :o(

this is not me.

i am never like that to my mom but it does happened.

kata org tua, kena tempias buatan org.

*sigh* i hate it when this happens.

i hope my mom is ok. i hope para alim ulamak are able to help my parents & my family.


Thursday, July 8, 2010

a few nights ago, while in the car on our way to our anniversary dinner, i said to my husband ...

'i think i should re-do my masters or maybe learn something new. something i can do to fill my time. i think learning to sew would be great, kan?'

he kept quiet for a few seconds then said.

'takyah lah. buat apa? stress nak siapkan baju. baik buat yg sya suka.'


'cooking or baking?'

aiks? .... betul jugak kata hubby sya.

'ewah2 ... abang nak tunjuk abang dah kenal sya ye? abang tahu sya suka kan tentang masak2. amboi ....'

'he he he ... ye la abang tahu. dah 12 tahun kan?'

his words got me thinking and i think he is right. why not?

that was the push i needed to sign up for a cooking class at Bayan Indah Culinary Resort.

tomorrow's the big day! i hope all goes well :o) i know it will!


Bayan Indah Culinary Resort

tomorrow's the big day.

i signed up for a cooking class.

yes, i did!

i am so nervous. there will be no one that i know there. i'm sure many know their way well around the kitchen, except me.

looking at the calender, the one i can squeeze myself into would be 'Use Your Noodles'. we'll be learning to make several noodle dishes then have a sit-down lunch & that's the end of it.

i am really looking forward to learn new skills and tips from Chef Rohani Jelani.

if you're ever interested, go to

UPDATE (9th July'10)

There were only four of us in the class and I was the youngest participant.

We made:
1. stir fried black pepper loh shi fun
2. penang char kway teow
3. cantonese kway teow
4. vietnamese noodle salad with grilled chicken
5. stir-fried glass noodles

I had a great time cooking in a big kicthen :o)

I've signed up for another class on Sunday. I'm dragging hubby along hehehe

The theme is Quick & Easy favs!

i'm excited!

am i being overlooked?

i am not a mother. not a parent either.

never have been and might never will be.

but i try.

i try to understand from my parents' point of view.

i try to understand the decisions they made and reasons they gave in any situation that came up in our discussions, even some which never did.

but sometimes i think ...

my parents can overlook certain issues.

they might overlook that i too have a life to live, a marriage to work on & a business/career to strenghten but being the eldest ... they expect me to be responsible, always be there. the ones who always get away are my brothers.

i tell you one thing i KNOW.

orang kelantan memang mua kan anak lelaki!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

a mantra?

i've never had a mantra for myself before.

it has always been for the family.

'be there for them'
'be strong for them'
'do everything for them'
'take care of them'

but never ever for myself.

as i was reading Prevention's latest Weight Loss Success story ~ Sheri Harkness, she mentioned that she had a mantra ~ 'never give up'.

that got me thinking. i have never had a mantra for myself.

then it came to me. my mantra. now i have it but i will use it soon (wei, sya!).

so, what's my mantra?

take care of youself

learn to take good care of yourself sya, as good or even better than you take care of others. Allah knows you have people depending on you for life!
have will-power, will lose weight.

yeah ... now where did i put my will-power away to?

Sunday, July 4, 2010

12th Anniversary

tomorrow will be our 12th anniversary.

the last 2 days were spent being together. usually he is busy with work 24/7. i really appreciate it that he made an effort to be with me this whole weekend.

we've been going out to eat the whole 2 days, mostly at our fav places: Nasi Ayam Kampung Hassan (Sect 13, Shah Alam), Restaurant Rebung (Bangsar) & tonight, Meatworks at Solaris.

we also went test driving several cars - an activity we like doing whenever he is free on a weekend. yesterday was Nissan Sylphy. today was Hyundai Tuscon, Honda Freed & Toyota Altis Corolla. test drive je - berangan ... loan kereta belum habis bayar lagi hehehe

last but not least, we bought 2 of Maher Zain's cd for each of our cars. we're both smitten by his voice and the meaningful lyrics of his songs. we also bought Penawar Hati cd 3 & 4. i think these cds are the best way for him to de-stress when he's on his way back from work. berzikir, bernasyid & berdoa.

we also agreed to have a new 'Our Song'. the 1st one was by KC & Jojo - All My Life.

now, it is by Maher Zain - For the Rest of My Life.

Ya Allah, berkatilah hubungan kami di dunia & di akhirat. kami redha dengan rezeki kami, semoga dikekalkan & bertambah. makbulkanlah doa2 kami, Ya Allah. aminn.

Saturday, July 3, 2010



i'm hungry but am too lazy to cook tonight.

i wonder when hubby's gonna wake up from his nap.

got to wake him up ... i'm hungry.

jom keluar makan, abang. kena balik cepat. malam ni ada bola.

bangun la ...

are you a Gleek?


need i say more?

i think it is the best musical programme ever. most songs they sang are better than the originals.

i'm not a gleek but close enough.

their version of 'Hello', 'Beth' & 'Poker Face' are the best so far.

i've been told their album is out but i have yet to look for it & buy. youtube will suffice for now :o)

Friday, July 2, 2010

can't you see that i am bored?


feel good time

it feels good to be blogging again.

i think i lost my mojo for quite some time now.

somehow, i think this time around i'm more open to what i write. honest, insyaAllah.

but, this will depend on many things on how i'll write in the future. well ... whatever it is, i intend to have fun blogging again.

demam bola

hai ... che abang singgah kedai mamak nak tgk bola. katanya tak sempat nak balik.

oklah abang ... selamat menonton.

saya ni tgh melancholic, sayu, rindu, keseorangan ... menunggu abang balik.

nanti balik ye masa half time :oP

Maher Zain

i've been reading his name on fb quite often but never tried to find out much about him ... but that was before i heard his voice this morning.

i was at speedy's to buy dvds for my nephew and his album was being played. when i asked the sales girl who it was, then i fell in love with his voice (belum tgk rupa lagi hehehe). as a fellow blogger/fbooker comment, he is a hunk but i wasn't swayed by his looks. his voice and the lyrics were what touched my heart.

most of his songs brought tears to my eyes - it was his honesty in his songs. one song was like as if he was singing from my heart ... well, most of his songs. the whole album brought back all the emotions i felt when we were on our Haj, Allahuakbar!

these two songs affected me the most:

Thank you, Allah.

I was so far from you
Yet to me you were always so close
I wandered lost in the dark
I closed my eyes toward the signs
You put in my way
I walked everyday
Further and further away from you
Ooooo Allah, you brought me home
I thank You with every breath I take.

Alhamdulillah, Elhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah
Alhamdulillah, Elhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah.

I never thought about
All the things you have given to me
I never thanked you once
I was too proud to see the truth
And prostrate to you
Until I took the first step
And that’s when you opened the doors for me
Now Allah, I realized what I was missing
By being far from you.

Alhamdulillah, Elhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah
Alhamdulillah, Elhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah.

Allah, I wanna thank You
I wanna thank you for all the things that you’ve done
You’ve done for me through all my years I’ve been lost
You guided me from all the ways that were wrong
And did you give me hope

O Allah, I wanna thank you
I wanna thank You for all the things that you’ve done
You’ve done for me through all my years I’ve been lost
You guided me from all the ways that were wrong
I wanna thank You for bringing me home

Alhamdulillah, Elhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah
Alhamdulillah, Elhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah.

For the Rest of my Life

I praise Allah for sending me you my love
You found me home and sail with me
And I`m here with you
Now let me let you know
You`ve opened my heart
I was always thinking that love was wrong
But everything was changed when you came along
And theres a couple words I want to say

For the rest of my life
I`ll be with you
I`ll stay by your side honest and true
Till the end of my time
I`ll be loving you. loving you
For the rest of my life
Thru days and night
I`ll thank Allah for open my eyes
Now and forever I I`ll be there for you

I know that deep in my heart
I feel so blessed when I think of you
And I ask Allah to bless all we do
You`re my wife and my friend and my strength
And I pray we`re together eternally
Now I find myself so strong
Everything changed when you came along
And theres a couple word I want to say

For the rest of my life
I`ll be with you
I`ll stay by your side honest and true
Till the end of my time
I`ll be loving you. loving you
For the rest of my life
Thru days and night
I`ll thank Allah for open my eyes
Now and forever I I`ll be there for you

I know that deep in my heart now that you`re here
Infront of me I strongly feel love
And I have no doubt
And I`m singing loud that I`ll love you eternally

For the rest of my life
I`ll be with you
I`ll stay by your side honest and true
Till the end of my time
I`ll be loving you.loving you
For the rest of my life
Thru days and night
I`ll thank Allah for open my eyes
Now and forever I I`ll be there for you

I know that deep in my heart

Ya Allah, jika melalui lagu2 Maher inilah yg membantu Sya bertaubat, berkatilah usaha kami, Ya Allah.

Mama kata ...

1. kalau kita sayang mak kita, suami/isteri kita pun sayang mak dia. sayangilah mak dia seperti mak kita sendiri. tapi kalau dapat mertua yg susah untuk disayangi, banyaklah bersabar & layan baik kerana sayangkan suami.

2. ada kawan boleh datang setakat pagar aje, ada kawan boleh dibawak masuk ke dalam pagar tapi bukan dalam rumah, ada kawan yg boleh dibawa masuk ke dalam rumah. kepala sama warna tapi hati lain2. berhati2 bila berkawan.

moving on

my mother is a very indepedent woman. she does not need help or assistance unless she really needs it.

she taught me to be independent. to be comfortable to be alone. be brave to do things alone.

i do not find it intimidating to go to a movie or eating out at a posh restaurant alone. i like my own company.

i've been taught to feel comfortable with myself.

with that, i can honestly say, i seldom have one very best friend. i always have a few of very good friends and maybe 1 @ 2 who are abit closer than the rest.

in recent years, i've let someone to become sort of like a best friend.

we would call each other nearly every day, several times a day.

meet up at least once a week.

she would call me as early as 8am (hubby's not even off to work yet).

we became the bestest/closest of friends in the last 3-4 years ... than one day, she dumped me.

no warning, no words, no incidents that i can remember of what triggered it ... it just happened.

usually, she'll pick up my call or reply my text as soon as possible. but this time, she took her time. she didn't pick up & replied late.

at first i thought she wasn't well and i was worried.

after several attempts over several days, i had a gut feeling that she was angry with me but, WHY? what did i do?

i traced back our time together and can't find anything that i think can trigger this. what did i do? i asked that if i had hurt her, please tell me. i don't know what i have done to be treated this way.

i asked, i texted - and her reply was:

salam sya. we were at the movies. no worries la sya. its just that i dont feel like talking. banyak benda nak pikir. need some solitude.

at first i was ok with her reply. i said that once to her too. it was a difficult time for me and i couldn't talk, need some time alone. but i got back to her several hours after that.

with her, she became silent.

what could i do? i had to respect her wishes.

but as the days become weeks, i felt more confused. why is she shutting me out? what did i do to deserve this?

that was 6 months ago.

it still hurts. i am still upset, confused and lost.

i've asked and asked and she won't be honest with me.

alright. i have to move on.

it's painful because when u have a void in your heart, time & space where someone used to be most of the time. it feels like losing a part of you. yes, i was dumped.

i am moving on. i hope one day i will find out the truth.


she did texted me on my bday, asking me out but i had to decline. i was prepped up for a D&C then. there were several smses after that but nothing has changed.

i called, she didn't pick up. smses & emails were our mode of communication.

move on, sya. learn your lesson.

if i had hurt in any way, i would like to make an honest apology. but i'd need to know what i did wrong. i also know things would still be different.

but why is she making me feel guilty? did i really do something wrong? if i did, then tell me. best friends or any friends for that matter will hurt one another at one point of time. but best friends should be able to work it out, don't they? if parting ways was on the cards, both parties should at least know why.

i'm still in the dark and dumped.


i miss our time in UK.

we had a great time on that holiday. away from people we know. away from work pressures.

we walked alot. ride the bus alot.

we would have our tea at Marks & Spencer. a cup of mocha, a bottle of water, a set of scones & pikelets.

then a browse thru M&S' retail outlet.

actually, i miss him. we don't get to spend much time on a daily basis. he is so busy and i've made myself self-occupied too.

wish we were back in UK.

Thursday, July 1, 2010


it's half past 4 and i'm still wondering what to do next.

hubby's coming home late, as usual but, from a meeting-cum-dinner thingy, which is unusual.

so, no cooking tonight.

a movie? or two? on my own? i can but don't feel like spending time alone. with a friend? nah, not in a chatting mood. i would really want hubby to come with me but just my wishful thinking.

dinner with my parents? maybe.

then what?

go home alone. wait for him to come home as i busy myself with chores or just watch tv.

whatever i'll be doing, i'm pretty sure i'll be alone ... like the past 12 years.

hey, this is not a complaint. it's the truth. i've become very accustomed to it but ...

feelings are still there.