Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
ear infection ... again (2nd time this year).
bro-inlaw still missing.
just feeling so.
no other reason, i think.
just feeling so.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
i'm not like anyone. i know myself and i am a working progress.
astaghafirullah ... bila baca balik entry ini, baru sedar ... ini semua kehendak duniawi. syukur alhamdulillah Allah beri sya peluang menyedari semua ini.
sya redha kami tiada rezeki utk mendapat anak. sya redha kami belum dpt izin Allah utk mendpt pinjamanNya yakni seorang anak. sya redha hati kami belum terbuka sepenuhnya utk mengambil anak angkat. semua ini ada hikmahNya. Ya Allah, tenangkanlah hati hambaMu ini.
sya bersyukur utk pedoman2 yg diberiNya utk sya memperbaiki diri sya utk akhirah. alhamdulillah.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
will i ever be ready? will we?
Monday, November 21, 2011
Ya Allah, let me not be one. aminn ... unless there's a learning.
be gone unhappy thoughts!
i want to smile.
i have so much to be thankful for :-) alhamdulillah for all that i have with me right now.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
it was good to refresh my memory ... looking forward to the next class next saturday.
for now, baca hand-outs for the next session.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
just started on this one ... slowly. apparently, it takes awhile for my brain to take it all in. *sigh* age factor?
what are they for? brushing up on my old, old skills ....
a step at a time ... yeah?
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
i feel like i want to work again. i want to work again. i miss teaching, connecting with students. i've left the rat race 7 years ago but only stopped the last 4 years. feels like a life time ... i don't know where to start!
should i take up a course, this would take up some serious $$ ... should i just jump right in and apply for a teaching job? the most sensible idea.
i have so many questions. fears & doubts.
where or how do i start? hmm...
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
that was what i craved for at 4am a few nights ago. scanning thru my unkept recipe collection, i found a few pieces of scribbled papers with the recipe on it.
i had to read thru and decipher/adjust the ingredients & the amounts that i need to make nasi dagang only for the two of us. my mom's recipe is for 20pax and above.
i can u tell by heart, how to make it because i've been my mom's assistant in the kitchen most of my life. i've 'made' it only twice so far and both times with my mom & mom-inlaw. you know lah kan ... at one point, they took over the cooking process.
well this time i am going to walk the walk. i was going to make my 1st nasi dagang. curries are easy & the acar too.
for a 1st timer, i'd say it turned out quite well altho there is a lot of room for improvement :-D
the recipe? that i have to give another day because it'll take alot of time to explain my mom's recipe. after making it, i'd say it was easy but the prep is tedious!
Friday, November 11, 2011
Thursday, November 10, 2011
volumes of disappointment ...
giving up? yes, for tonight.
hoping for a better tomorrow.
i need caffiene, got some already but not enough!
kenapa si penghutang berani memarahi si pemiutang apabila hutang diminta dibayar?
kenapa si penghutang tak rasa bersalah?
kenapa si pemiutang pula yg rasa nak mintak maaf atau berterima kasih kpd si penghutang apabila hutang telah dijelaskan?
pening, pening ...
i'm not saying it's easy to pay someone back (sya pun ada hutang orang lain) but it would be better if some communication happens between both party, especially if it is between friends or relatives. that's all i'm saying.
you're right, my life is so connected with songs.
since i was in school, i remember dubbing songs on cassettes. those were the days!
whatever phase i was going thru, all saved (dubbed). now, i just go to youtube and upload them here. certain songs would bring back certain memories. luahan perasaan? maybe.
but actually, tak reti nak copy/burn pada cd hehehe
another friend once commented that i read the same genre of books on life, relationships, communication, self-help, diets & health, marriage & management. she got me thinking. what i read has helped me with whatever issues i faced in life, just like the songs; other than the obvious resources.
thank you for pointing it out to me. i didn't really realise it until now. it's good to discover something about me.
i just bought this book and i am in awe of Tom Peters!
yes, adel, i bought another book :)
come to think of it ... i think i am a book hoarder but i'd rather think that i am a 'wisdom seeker' ;) it has a positive vibe to it, doesn't it?
any comments, adel? hehehe
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
i've been restless the last few months. 2012 is my come back year (?).
i've yet to finalise anything but i hoping for some positive changes, especially for myself, my future.
insyaAllah, i will tell you ... maybe.
honestly, i couldn't believe what i heard. i never saw myself as such altho i know i have acted like a smart a** a couple of times (uncountable!) hehehe ... that's a different story tau!
i guess i never give much credit to myself .... that's a thought!
Saturday, November 5, 2011
esok balik kb :) looking fwd to the long drive, our quality time :)
Friday, November 4, 2011
because of their disservice to me.
1st incident: the knife used to cut my cake was wiped by a very wet & dirty looking rag. i pointed this out and the kid just ignored me. unfortunately, i paid 1st before the cake was cut. feeling icky and upset, i told them i will not eat that cake & just walked out of the shop. kalau makan juga, memang takleh nak telan ....
that was months ago.
i knew but i hope it would be different this time but, nooooooo.
after i paid for my slice of cake, it was packed and handed to me but the whole plastic bag was wet! i asked why and requested for a new bag. the kid (who cut the cake & packed it) looked incredulously at me and started taking a new bag but with unnecessary force and grunt. offended & disgusted (again), i lost my appetite and left the cake (again) at the counter.
rugi duit, rugi cake tapi hati sya dah tak panas. better that way!
when i tell u that i understand yr situation, please believe me. and i have been doing so for the last 8 months ... something is not right with the situation or somebody!
i've been patient & courteous enough and now, not so much! if u feel upset, maybe u should but not with me. with yourself for taking my tolerance & patience too lightly!
so ... can u pls make things right as soon aa possible? thank you!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
this is so heart wrenching and i do feel sad & guilty that life goes on for us here in malaysia while my sil & family are still waiting in agony for him to come home.
i wish with all my heart that we could find & bring him home .... but all we could do is keep on praying & hoping, itulah usaha & senjata kami sbg org islam.
ya Allah, bukakanlah hati mereka utk melepaskan dia & dihantar pulang. aminn.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
i resigned from my lecturing post 7 years ago. i freelanced for a couple of years. took care of my parents in their time of need. married off my two brothers (well actually helped my parents) & my lil brother-inlaw.
i've focused on my 'cotton business', nearly but failed to complete my masters, developed a few skills, lost count of my IUIs (& failed), had D&Cs (loat count), also failed an IVF attempt, went if several diets and ... what's next for me?
i feel that i've been here for my family for the last seven years. i am satisfied but now i need something else.