moving on

my mother is a very indepedent woman. she does not need help or assistance unless she really needs it.

she taught me to be independent. to be comfortable to be alone. be brave to do things alone.

i do not find it intimidating to go to a movie or eating out at a posh restaurant alone. i like my own company.

i've been taught to feel comfortable with myself.

with that, i can honestly say, i seldom have one very best friend. i always have a few of very good friends and maybe 1 @ 2 who are abit closer than the rest.

in recent years, i've let someone to become sort of like a best friend.

we would call each other nearly every day, several times a day.

meet up at least once a week.

she would call me as early as 8am (hubby's not even off to work yet).

we became the bestest/closest of friends in the last 3-4 years ... than one day, she dumped me.

no warning, no words, no incidents that i can remember of what triggered it ... it just happened.

usually, she'll pick up my call or reply my text as soon as possible. but this time, she took her time. she didn't pick up & replied late.

at first i thought she wasn't well and i was worried.

after several attempts over several days, i had a gut feeling that she was angry with me but, WHY? what did i do?

i traced back our time together and can't find anything that i think can trigger this. what did i do? i asked that if i had hurt her, please tell me. i don't know what i have done to be treated this way.

i asked, i texted - and her reply was:

salam sya. we were at the movies. no worries la sya. its just that i dont feel like talking. banyak benda nak pikir. need some solitude.

at first i was ok with her reply. i said that once to her too. it was a difficult time for me and i couldn't talk, need some time alone. but i got back to her several hours after that.

with her, she became silent.

what could i do? i had to respect her wishes.

but as the days become weeks, i felt more confused. why is she shutting me out? what did i do to deserve this?

that was 6 months ago.

it still hurts. i am still upset, confused and lost.

i've asked and asked and she won't be honest with me.

alright. i have to move on.

it's painful because when u have a void in your heart, time & space where someone used to be most of the time. it feels like losing a part of you. yes, i was dumped.

i am moving on. i hope one day i will find out the truth.

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she did texted me on my bday, asking me out but i had to decline. i was prepped up for a D&C then. there were several smses after that but nothing has changed.

i called, she didn't pick up. smses & emails were our mode of communication.

move on, sya. learn your lesson.






if i had hurt in any way, i would like to make an honest apology. but i'd need to know what i did wrong. i also know things would still be different.

but why is she making me feel guilty? did i really do something wrong? if i did, then tell me. best friends or any friends for that matter will hurt one another at one point of time. but best friends should be able to work it out, don't they? if parting ways was on the cards, both parties should at least know why.

i'm still in the dark and dumped.