5.15 am
woke up to the sounds of thunder & heavy rain on a wet friday morning.

5.45 am
the rain has subsided but in a distance, thunders still reign.

i lay quietly, praying & hoping all will stop soon. may the sky clears up for my parents' flight home to kb to see my grandpa who is so unwell.

we pray that He shortens his suffering but also bless my father & grandpa to see one another for the last time.

may Allah also eases my father's pains.

as the rain subsides, i can't help but wonder if this is his last day. grandpa has been sick for 3 days. he's has lived 90+ strong years but in recent years, life has slowed down tremendously for him. being his obedient & loving son, my father has given his best to his father and without fail, visit him every month for the last 4 years. they are like 2 peas in a pod - close & loving father son relationship.

my tears have been flowing freely for the last 2 days with so many thoughts.

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan Che & Abah. ampunilah dosa2 Che.

aminn.

high-strung & exploding

for whatever reasons ... everybody seemed high-strung today.

mama & abah exchanged heated words.

mama & i disagreed on something.

i told my father off for just picking a fight with mama.

in the end ... abah & mama went out together.

i left with kak wan for giant shah alam.

when we all got home ... luckily everyone has cooled down.

kalau dak ... mau bertekak lagi ... ish!

everyone got up from the wrong side of the bed kut ...

when?

when should we start taking care of our parents? how do we take care of them?

i'm sure everyone would have their answers to these questions.

for me ... it starts the minute i can do things for them or help them.

all this while, i am so used to helping my mother with about everything that has to do with our duties as a wife.

early morning saturdays or sundays (maybe both), i would always take her to the market. a few times a week, i'd do her grocery shopping.

eversince i got pregnant, i've been banned from driving for reasons i really understand and appreciate.

but it breaks my heart to see her struggling going to the market by herself. well, she does bring a maid along but it's the driving that is tiring her. sometimes my dad helps and takes her there. sometimes so does my husband. but usually, it is always me.

i have two brothers who live apart from the family but occasionally come for a visit.

i dare admit, none of them ever offered to help our parents with anything. they're still the same spoiled kids who grew up into spoiled adult brats! oh, they do do things but only for themselves & their nucleus family.

i woke up this morning fuming mad.

my mother went to the market today. father drove her.

what i am angry about is ... my brothers know going to the market on weekends is a ritual. can't they offer to take her instead of being asked to?

i am really disappointed in them.

so this morning i started wondering when do we start taking care or helping our parents? definitely not only when they start being feeble!

Ya Allah, we are going to have a child now ... please help me raise him or her into a loving, caring & helpful child. aminn.



*memang sya patut tegur tapi takkan dah umur 35 & 37 nak kena beritahu?

** let's be a lil more considerate to our aging parents.

am having an anxiety attack!

"The ultimate test of a relationship (i think, all types under the umbrella) is to disagree but to hold hands." ~ Alendra Penny

i've been reading ...

;o)


oooh ... the things i learn when i read!


.

"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours."

~ Wayne Dyer

"Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of becoming passionate friends." ~ Harville Hendrix

mama berjalan2 hari ni, baby :)

seronoknya dpt keluar rumah hari ni ...

1st stop - the hosp. been coughing & blocked nose for so long. so, went for a follow-up. doc bg inhaler pulak.


2nd stop - went for lunch to one of our fav spots, Rest.Jaring in sunway. they have lots of veggie dishes but the one i want, takde hari ni   :'(   huhuhu      (sayur tumis kucai)


3rd stop - went all the way to gombak to buy my mom's supply of haruan cream. i can't use it - kulit jadi gatal.


4th stop - our own home to rest. hubby slept most of the afternoon. i browsed thru my own lil library. oh, how i missed my books! brought a few (ehem!) back to parents' home :)


i have a curfew, mind you. i have to be home before maghrib.


so, second last stop - Rest.Syed for an early dinner of tosai.


last stop - parents' home by 7pm & still wide awake ....

larat pulak nak masak ... ayam masak merah sempoi berkacang peas, salad sempoi 'mat saleh' (hehehe daun salad, capsicum & carrot je) & roti tortila sekeping. dessert jambu batu 1/2 biji.
kena jaga gula ... lebihkan protein, veggie & fruit. alhamdulillah, rezeki utk lunch pd hari jumaat yg mulia. jemput makan ....

blissfully stuffed!

had an early lunch.

2 fried eggs with baked beans eaten with 2pc of wholemeal breads.

kenyang & puashati!



:) :)

simplicity ...

since i can't indulge much because of my diabetes problem, i find the simplest things make me happy.

for instance, today's dessert. 200ml warm lowfat milk with 1/2 tbspn of hershey's cocoa powder - nice, even without sugar. then, thinly sliced red gala apple lightly sprinkled with cinnamon powder - heady aroma, refreshing taste! and no sugar!

i am one happy mother-to-be :)

drowsy ...

doc gave me some cough syrup & runny nose tablet. both made me sleepy.

this morning i woke up in a face-down position (apa dlm Inggeris, huh? tidur meniarap) which i can never do since i got pregnant. baby marah & tak selesa.

after breakfast, i took another shot of cough syrup and plan not to take any more later.

baby has been really quiet.

drowsy too?

i hope baby is ok. usually, kalau tersalah duduk or baring, cepat je dia bgtahu sya, dia tak selesa. my lower left abdomen akan rasa tegang.

baby, mama harap baby ok. mama tak makan dah ubat batuk nanti. dah tak batuk sgt dah pun.

hope to feel you soon.

mama loves you!

batuk kuat sgt ... terpaksa jumpa doctor n makan ubat. doc has reassured that the meds r safe for the baby ... but i just can't help worrying.

now i am drowsy.

looking forward to a good night sleep. i usually wake up 2-3 times feeling i've had enough sleep.

i really don't understand why ... anyway, good night! sweet dreams!

am i selfish to assume that we all make mistakes? yes, that would be selfish of me.

alright.

let me put it this way.

i made a mistake.

i make mistakes all the time.

people wrong me too but i get over it.

of course i get upset, mad & angry but then i get over it.

i made a mistake.

i am trying to ask for forgiveness.

but i am not being given a chance.

so what should i do?

let it go?

not that easy for me.

but, i know i have to let it go for now ....

when it resurfaces again ... maybe it'll be a better time to try again.

Ya Allah, help me get thru this.

.







baru sedar diri. it's not my part to expect ppl to forgive me or give me a chance to apologise. it's His to give when the time is right, if i will ever have the chance. sya berserah.

chocolate almonds - i want both!

i am craving for chocolate. i love almonds.

if i buy the ones in store - they're sugary.

so my bright idea is ...

1. buy dark chocs - melt them.
2. coat roasted almonds in the liquid dark choc.
3. then sprinkle cocoa powder!
- NO ADDED sugar!

i have found a link on how to roast almonds ...
http://homecooking.about.com/cs/atozfoodindex/ht/toast_almonds.htm

and another link on how to make the above. the original recipe calls for confectionary sugar ... u-huh, no can do. i want it as bitter as possible :D

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Chocolate-Coated-Almonds

can you feel my big smile hehehe

i hope this works!

My Kitchen Snippets: Green Onion and Cilantro Flat Bread

this looks easy ... makan dgn dhal or curry would be ok kan? maybe the flour i can substitute with wholemeal flour? i wonder ...


My Kitchen Snippets: Green Onion and Cilantro Flat Bread: I like this type of flat bread with curry. Normally I just get the readymade ones from Trader Joe’s but this time I try making it myself. I...

life - coming & going

it's amazing & bewildering too how some things have changed ... the ones you would expect to be happy with you, are not. the ones you never thought would give the time of day, surprises u.

life.

i have to learn to let go of those who want to be free of me (i don't think i'm shackling anyone) and embrace the new ones or returning friends & acquaintences.

i don't blame anyone or even life. it is what it is ... we have different routes & journeys in our lives that brings us together or pushes us apart.

the key is to let go or embrace and see what life (He) has in store for u.


we are deliriously happy now and that matters the most.

hang in there, sya ...

i'm having problems with my sugar level ... the slightest carb that i eat will shoot up my reading.

i can't take more than 1/3 cup of rice. if i measure it at 1/2 cup, you can bet after 2 hrs, too high for comfort.

as high as it goes, i'm happy that i rarely go over 10.

in the past few weeks, my sugar has gone up more than that under special circumstances.




what is bothering me tonight is ... i'm been really tired the last few days due to my sugar. makan apa je, gula naik and i am forever hungry! i'm also having gastric and wind.

pls tell me this is normal when you're having babies? is it?

i am at the end of my witts!



tomorrow is my 'practical'.

my level of energy is so low ... i don't feel like doing it but i have to.

Ya Allah ... please give me the strength.

2 days of training at Taylor's U.




so tired ...

life can be really lonely sometimes ...