i miss u

whenever he's away ... this is what happens.

i sleep later than usual;
i eat more than usual.

2 nights away is ok ... but four or more?

life gets pretty lonely.

i am not dependent on him but ... it is quiet when he's not around.

i miss him.

sometimes i wonder ... would life be different when he's away but i'm at home with kids?

maybe it would be different ... but maybe not much ... i dunno ... just guessing.

being childless, we need to be independent and yet dependent too ... especially for companionship.

i miss him ... his big heavy arms around me ... his dark-circled eyes peering sleepy at me before he gives his final salam ... his loud snore assuring me he's beside me ... did i say, i miss him?

come home safely, soon.





on the other hand ... when he's around for too long ... he gets on my nerves! hahaha

sad ...

a few days ago, ...

W: Abang nak keluar dah?
H: Hmm mm.
W: Balik for lunch?
H: Dak lah ... makan di KL kut. Pukul berapa diaorang nak datang?
W: 12.30 kut ... datang for lunch and then bagi duit kutu.
H: Hmm... (as he was walking out the door) ... ada anak2 sedara abang call ucapkan selamat hari raya? jemput open house?
W: errm ... F (cucu sedara) je sorang yg sms masa raya. Yang lain takde pun.
H: (terdiam sambil melangkah ke keretanya)
W: (juga terdiam)


Sya kesian sangat dgn orang ini. Teringat ajer, menitis airmata Sya. Sayu hati Sya. I wish I could take his pain away.

This is a man who has everything, can have anything and yet there is something missing from his life. Love and attention from his money-hungry, selfish, snobbish, stuck-up siblings, nephews & nieces! Whenever they need money, he's the one they turn to. I understand, how can he say no to his bloodline...? And I also know, he gives with his heart and all he's hoping for and wants is just some time, love & affection from them.

And yet ... nada!

I know he is envious of his wife. Her bloodline treats her well. They even treat her husband better! Yet the man yearns from his own blood too.

Is it so much to ask!?

I wish I could take his pain away ... I really do.

ppppffftttt!

i was bored there and i am still bored here.

get a grip, sya!

Hmm...

i wonder ...

should i go back to my Masters? start & finish it this time?

should i start lecturing/teaching/training again ...?

hmm ... i've left those 'hats' lying somewhere underneath my piles of books.

should i?

negative energy breeds only negative energy!

am so tired being in such a strong negative aura!

i can feel it eating me up ... engulfing me ... planting negative thoughts in my mind ... don't these people know what's going on??!!









so much sadness ... resentment ... love's dwindling in the wind ... the final straw? i hope not.

Karachi

for eid, we're in Karachi with hubby's family.

no, hubby's not a Pakistani but his sister married one.

my MiL is also here. she's always here for fasting month for the last 6 years.

only my adik-ipar & family are in KB.



Pakistanis celebrated their eid a day later than us. they even started fasting a day later than us.

don't ask me why.

they have this habit of doing things differently than other people/nations.



we celebrated eid with Malaysia.

it was a lonely eid for me.

of course i love this family but i missed mine too.

i miss seeing my three nephews in their baju melayu.

i miss my parents.

i never cried much before but this year was different. i guess it comes with age ....?



it is not my 1st time here, nor it is not my 1st eid away from my family.

but it is the 1st time i really miss home during eid.

i cried buckets the whole day ... quietly.



it's our 7th day today ... 6 days to go home.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

Maaf Zahir & Batin

dari Din & Sya

every day is  a new beginning. the question is, when do you choose to begin?

~Jack Canfield~

i saw you
last november

then u left me
without an explanation

i asked
i seeked

you replied
everything's ok between us

yet silence
befall
on able ears
on busy fingers
& running engines

10 months
down the road

no more anger
disappointed
vengence?
nor confusion

just hurt
and sorrow
keeping me company
whenever i see your updates

sincerely
i pray you well & health

honestly
i pray for closure

i want to move on.

12.57am
wide awake
still abit upset
but getting over it.

a yawn
to bed?
nah ... jap lagi.

another yawn
watery eyes
malasnya nak tido
(ada ke?!)

tengah tunggu ilham
ilham utk apa?
tido lerrr wei!

jap lagi lah!

on my FB wall

They say, true friends can go on long periods of time without speaking & never question the friendship. These types of friends pick up like they just spoke yesterday, regardless of how long it has been or how far away they live, and they don’t hold grudges. They understand that life is busy, but you will always love them. Re-post if you have at least one of these friends. I am privileged to say I do.

random

when the day comes
when i walk away from you
don't ask or look for me


when i am here for you
cherish the moment
you'll never know for how long i will be ...


when i ask
no silence should be present
for when i am silent
you will miss me


love me for who i am
as i you
we both do, don't we?


keep on feeling
all emotions
they connect us
for eternity!

geramnya on FB!

kalau boleh jentik ... memang nak jentik tinge org tu! nasib baik nak jentik je.. bukan nak ... whatever!

eeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiieeeeeee!  bagi Kung-fu Panda  karang baru tau!

sabor je lah!

Wondermilk!

hubby came home with a bag of raya gifts from their vendors & suppliers.

among the gifts was a paperbag with Wondermilk logo on it.

i went crazy for it!

several months ago i went thru a cupcake craze and wondermilk's cupcakes are the best! but when the craze has subsided ... their icing became too sweet for me. it was the icing and the decoration that i was crazy for, not the cupcake itself. sugar rush hehehe

now they have their own cookies that melts in your mouth.

and their cookies are the only ones my eyes don't puffed up.

in the paper bag were 2 containers. tiny ones which could only hold between 11-40pcs of cookies depending on the size. if i'm not mistaken, a container costs about rm7.

the ones he came home with are Chocolate Sandwich  &  Arabian Meltaways.

they melt easily once they touch my tongue ... such sweet bliss ....




mana metformin saya???

a dead dream

i had a dream a few nights ago and till today i keep thinking about it.

who was that woman in my dream?

whenever i remember the face ... my feelings and emotions keep me guessing ... was it me? was it someone i know? didn't know? who is she!?

i dreamt of a woman who had had alot of hardships in her life eversince she was small.

through her struggle & determination, she managed to build a life for herself but not without enemies lurking around.

as i dream, it felt like one moment it was about me and next it was someone else... like changing positions or characters. i just don't know how to explain this.

but what was odd was the ending.

that woman ... or me ... died.

in the end ... i was the one who found her dead. all tied up, gagged, put into a big canvas/plastic bag, tied to big heavy stones and left to drown in a pool of dark, murky water  (mcm dlm CSI).

i remember pulling her up & out of the water. ripping off the bag with my bare hands and finding her big & wide eyes staring back at me. dead ... terrified eyes. it felt as if i was looking at myself. i was dead. i was killed. murdered.

i remember that i started to cry. i sobbed so hard that i woke up shaking.

till this day ... i just can't forget her eyes. my eyes? i dunno ...

i seldom remember my dreams but this one is eerie & has me wondering for days.

a blue tinge ...

if i tell you the colour of my heart is pink
could you see the blue tinge on it?

why is there a blue tinge, you might ask.

that is the clour of my sadness.

just as a dark cloud hovers over the blue sky
threatening to pour rain ...

a blue tinge spreads across my heart
bringing sorrow and sadness
as the day ends

why am i sad, you might wonder.

that, my dear friend, i wonder too.

how can i lose weight when i am craving for raya cookies, right now?

ate 5 cookies and my eyes puffed up!

i don't know what they put in them but i am afraid to eat any anymore.

there's something i'm allergic to in those cookies.

while blog hopping recipe blogs ... i found my fav cookie recipe!  Shortbread Marble!

go here for the recipe.

i just emailed the blogger, asking if i can make the base just like cheesecake base. i'm afraid to try shortening.

now ... let see if i am brave enough to make some for me to eat hehehe

i'm not a baker ... kalau suruh masak lauk ... that i can do!