how can i explain this sadness in my heart ...?

in the midst of eid preparation, my heart is gripped by such sadness that has left me in tears numerous times today.

i just couldn't explain why.

iamsoverysad.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

ampun maaf jika ada salah & silap laku-kata

semoga meriah ceria sambutan raya bersama keluarga tersayang

facts:
~ no kids of our own
~ seldom see nephews & nieces, so quality time is limited

today's reflection:
~ Allah knows best.
~ He knows i need time to get use to having a toddler around 24/7.
~ He knows my temper will subside and i will love aiman as he is, a 21mo toddler.
~ He knows my heart will open to this lil boy and love will flow so much from my heart for him.

results:
~ am thinking again about adopting.
~ it wouldn't be so bad, wouldn't it? i mean ... i won't be such a bad mother, would i?
~ i think i am capable of having a kid of my own, albeit he/she is adopted.

i love aiman, of course i do! but what excites me is that we've bonded the last few days. i love it when he's into me. 'mbaklong' is what he calls me. the kisses he gives me and when his tiny hand holds my index finger. i love it when we play run & catch. it's amazing to see how his lil legs run ... so fast!

i wish i could tell my brothers & sils how lucky they are to have children, no matter how challenging it is to raise them. they don't know how lucky they are. they have the privileged in having Allah's trust to take care one of his possessions, the children. the one thing we could or might not have one of our own.

i feel overwhelmed ....

Count Me Out | Real Simple

Count Me Out Real Simple



i read this article in one of my fav mags ~ Real Simple.

it got me thinking & made me realise, i am just like the author of the article, Helen Schulman.

i count, nearly everything.

• when it's about money, everything has to be exact, right to the sen, unless you tell me otherwise (round it up).
• increasing or lowering the volume of the radio or tv, i'd always choose an even number ~ 8, 10, 12, 22, 32 etc.
•  i'd sum up license plates to know if they add up to 8 which Chinese believe to bring good luck. why i bother, i don't know!
• i count days to my ovulation date and days to my next period.

... to list a few.

Schulman's right. i have to stop counting to have a life. it is stressful.

can i do it? i hope so. i will try.

maybe i should stop counting the hour before i go to bed and get up for sahur ... that's a good start.

when out of the blue, i suddenly remember and thought of you ... was it because you were thinking of me? or is it just me suddenly remembering you?

fortunately, it rarely happens.

for ego's sake, i think you were thinking of me because i rarely thought of you.





case of exs.

tokbah went for terawih tonight. it wasn't easy to sneak out when you have a toddler being your shadow.

tokma & maklong plus bibik ani had to go through great lengths to distract this smart toddler. barney had a hand in it too.

among all four, tokma wins the cake. aiman only wants tokma. maklong has to sit outside of the tv room. yup, outside of the room.

watching his lil chubby body climbing, running & bumping into tokma, i had to ask ... ma, are you ok? (my mom is 60+, had a bypass 3 yrs ago, is diabetic and as strong as she is, she is tired this fasting month. i'm just concerned about her.)

mama ok, sya. penat  but i am very happy. bukan selalu mama dpt main dgn cucu.  aiman gave her a big hug!

i'm happy seeing my mama happy. so i let them be and watched from behind the sliding door :)

1.
detikan waktu hampir separuh malam
dengkuran tidurmu cuma perlahan
hatiku bergetar kesyukuran
Allah kurniakanku kasih jodoh yg berpanjangan.


2.
ayong, maklong ... panggilan si kecil buatku
terukir senyum bak bunga kembang harum ditaman
kupanjat doa dan kesyukuran kpd Illahi
kurniaan anak2 saudara yg menghiburkan hati.


3.
2-3 kucing berlari
mana nak sama dgn si kucing belang
5-6 hari lagi akhirnya Ramadhan
setahun lagi baru kembali menjelang.

Aiman & O-Bah

when i came back from karachi, i came back to find my nephew, aiman, is staying with my parents for a while ... a month & a half, to be exact.

it's a week now and i am still in awe & jaw-dropping mode.

why?

i totally didn't recognize this new man, my father, TokBah or O-Bah as aiman affectionately calls him.

i grew up with a very stern father. when he's home on weekends, we'd have to creep around the house to play.

having aiman around has made him into a total softie!

i have never ever seen him so patient with a child, more so that aiman is very into his grandad. they're like soulmates.

whenever O-Bah comes home, aiman would be running as fast as his 21month old legs could take him to greet his Obah at the door.

aiman will never sleep with anyone except with O-Bah and no one can enter the tv room when both of them are there.

nannak! nannak! maklong kuwau! kuwau! (taknak, taknak, maklong keluar!)

aiman & O-Ma are kamcheng too. aiman will only listen to O-Bah & O-Ma. well, that's good, isn't it?

me, maklong ... i'm on the sidelines hehehe ... i will only be useful to aiman when O-Bah, O-Ma, bibik ani & bibik sinah are not around. oh yeah ... i also come last after Baklong (Paklong). i don't mind, which i did at 1st. silly me, getting upset with a toddler.

now i happily sit and watch the world of aiman go round & round among his fav peeps.

kesian O-Bah. he's really into his grandson but he's also very2 tired.

like what O-Ma said ... dah, nak cucu sayang dia ... hah, dah jadi mcm sepasang kekasih dah hehehe




i also worry what will happen when the day comes when aiman has to leave and go back to melaka when his maid/nanny comes back. i predict O-Bah will be grouchy and i pray that aiman won't get sick missing his O-Bah.

nasi dagang, acar, kari ayam, gulai ikan tongkol, sambal udang, sambal kelapa.
nasi beryani sindhi.
nasi tomato.
nasi kerabu.
nasi himpit, satay, kuah kacang, sambal kelapa, sayur lodeh, sambal sotong kering, serunding daging.
nasi lemak bungkus seringgit, sambal tumis,sambal kerang, ikan bilis goreng, telur rebus, kangkong celur, kacang tanah goreng, mentimun, rendang.
mee goreng, bihun goreng, kuey teow goreng, bihun goreng putih.
laksa kelantan, laksa assam/penang,
cake, kuih raya, kerepek, kekacang, murtabak, karipap.
air kordial, canned drinks, h2o, kopi, teh.

i had the scare of my life this evening.

mama became very weak this evening because of low blood sugar & exhaustion. she's diabetic and with fasting and all, she went into hypo mode. luckily it was just 15 minutes before breaking fast. she hasn't been sleeping well and she's been holding up the fort of the kitchen when it comes to the daily menus. we like to joke that she's a perfectionist and the king of the kitchen.

i had my first look into the future if i ever lose my mama. such a scary & sad thought  :'-(

when i checked on her twice between 8-9.35pm , she was slightly better than before. we chatted for awhile before i left her to rest & sleep.

i can't fanthom how i'd face my days when my parents are gone ....

Mana Mak?

by Nik Fuad Kamil on Friday, 19 August 2011 at 16:07



Salam….. Untuk tatapan dan renungan semua anak-anak….semuga ianya tidak berlaku kepada kita ya.




Jam 6.30 petang.



Mak berdiri di depan pintu. Wajah Mak kelihatan resah. Mak tunggu adik bungsu balik dari sekolah agama.
Ayah baru balik dari sawah.

Ayah tanya Mak, “Along mana?’
Mak jawab, “Ada di dapur tolong siapkan makan.”

Ayah tanya Mak lagi,” Angah mana?”
Mak jawab, “Angah mandi, baru balik main bola.”

Ayah tanya Mak, “Ateh mana?”
Mak jawab, “Ateh, Kak Cik tengok tv dengan Alang di dalam."

Ayah tanya lagi, “Adik dah balik?”
Mak jawab, “Belum. Patutnya dah balik. Basikal adik rosak kot. Kejap lagi kalau tak balik juga jom kita pergi cari Adik.”

Mak jawab soalan ayah penuh yakin. Tiap-tiap hari ayah tanya soalan yang sama. Mak jawab penuh perhatian. Mak ambil berat di mana anak-anak Mak dan bagaimana keadaan anak-anak Mak setiap masa dan setiap ketika.




Dua puluh tahun kemudian ...




Jam 6.30 petang

Ayah balik ke rumah. Baju ayah basah. Hujan turun sejak tengahari.

Ayah tanya Along, “Mana Mak?”
Along sedang membelek-belek baju barunya. Along jawab, “Tak tahu.”
Ayah tanya Angah, “Mana Mak?”
Angah menonton tv. Angah jawab, “Mana Angah tahu.”
Ayah tanya Ateh, “Mana Mak?”
Ayah menunggu lama jawapan dari Ateh yang asyik membaca majalah.
Ayah tanya Ateh lagi, "Mana Mak?"
Ateh menjawab, “Entah.”
Ateh terus membaca majalah tanpa menoleh kepada Ayah.
Ayah tanya Alang, “Mana Mak?”
Alang tidak jawab. Alang hanya mengoncang bahu tanda tidak tahu.

Ayah tidak mahu tanya Kak Cik dan Adik yang sedang melayan facebook. Ayah tahu yang Ayah tidak akan dapat jawapan yang ayah mahu.

Tidak ada siapa tahu di mana Mak. Tidak ada siapa merasa ingin tahu di mana Mak. Mata dan hati anak-anak Mak tidak pada Mak. Hanya mata dan hati Ayah yang mencari-cari di mana Mak.

Tidak ada anak-anak Mak yang tahu setiap kali ayah bertanya, "Mana Mak?"

Tiba-tiba adik bungsu bersuara, “Mak ni dah senja-senja pun merayap lagi. Tak reti nak balik!!”  Tersentap hati Ayah mendengar kata-kata Adik.

Dulu anak-anak Mak akan berlari mendakap Mak apabila balik dari sekolah. Mereka akan tanya "Mana Mak?" apabila Mak tidak menunggu mereka di depan pintu.

Mereka akan tanya, "Mana Mak." Apabila dapat nomor 1 atau kaki melecet main bola di padang sekolah. Mak resah apabila anak-anak Mak lambat balik. Mak mahu tahu di mana semua anak-anaknya berada setiap waktu dan setiap ketika.
Sekarang anak-anak sudah besar. Sudah lama anak-anak Mak tidak bertanya 'Mana Mak?"

Semakin anak-anak Mak besar, soalan "Mana Mak?" semakin hilang dari bibir anak-anak Mak. Ayah berdiri di depan pintu menunggu Mak. Ayah resah menunggu Mak kerana sudah senja sebegini Mak masih belum balik. Ayah risau kerana sejak akhir-akhir ini Mak selalu mengadu sakit lutut.

Dari jauh kelihatan sosok Mak berjalan memakai payung yang sudah uzur. Besi-besi payung tercacak keluar dari kainnya. Hujan masih belum berhenti. Mak menjinjit dua bungkusan plastik. Sudah kebiasaan bagi Mak, Mak akan bawa sesuatu untuk anak-anak Mak apabila pulang dari berjalan.

Sampai di halaman rumah Mak berhenti di depan deretan kereta anak-anak Mak. Mak buangkan daun-daun yang mengotori kereta anak-anak Mak. Mak usap bahagian depan kereta Ateh perlahan-lahan. Mak rasakan seperti mengusap kepala Ateh waktu Ateh kecil. Mak senyum. Kedua bibir Mak diketap repat. Senyum tertahan, hanya Ayah yang faham. Sekarang Mak tidak dapat lagi merasa mengusap kepala anak-anak seperti masa anak-anak Mak kecil dulu. Mereka sudah besar. Mak takut anak Mak akan menepis tangan Mak kalau Mak lakukannya.

Lima buah kereta milik anak-anak Mak berdiri megah. Kereta Ateh paling gah. Mak tidak tahu pun apa kehebatan kereta Ateh itu. Mak cuma suka warnanya. Kereta warna merah bata, warna kesukaan Mak. Mak belum merasa naik kereta anak Mak yang ini.

Baju mak basah kena hujan. Ayah tutupkan payung mak. Mak bagi salam. Salam Mak tidak berjawab. Terketar-ketar lutut Mak melangkah anak tangga. Ayah pimpin Mak masuk ke rumah. Lutut Mak sakit lagi.

Mak letakkan bungkusan di atas meja. Sebungkus rebung dan sebungkus kueh koci pemberian Mak Uda untuk anak-anak Mak. Mak Uda tahu anak-anak Mak suka makan kueh koci dan Mak malu untuk meminta untuk bawa balik. Namun raut wajah Mak sudah cukup membuat Mak Uda faham.

Semasa menerima bungkusan kueh koci dari Mak Uda tadi, Mak sempat berkata kepada Mak Uda, "Wah berebutlah budak-budak tu nanti nampak kueh koci kamu ni."

Sekurang-kurangnya itulah bayangan Mak. Mak bayangkan anak-anak Mak sedang gembira menikmati kueh koci sebagimana masa anak-anak Mak kecil dulu. Mereka berebut dan Mak jadi hakim pembuat keputusan muktamat. Sering kali Mak akan beri bahagian Mak supaya anak-anak Mak puas makan. Bayangan itu sering singgah di kepala Mak.

Ayah suruh Mak tukar baju yang basah itu. Mak akur. Selepas Mak tukar baju, Ayah iring Mak ke dapur. Mak ajak anak-anak Mak makan kueh koci. Tidak seorang pun yang menoleh kepada Mak. Mata dan hati anak-anak Mak sudah bukan pada Mak lagi.

Mak hanya tunduk, akur dengan keadaan. Ayah tahu Mak sudah tidak boleh mengharapkan anak-anak melompat-lompat gembira dan berlari mendakapnya seperti dulu.

Ayah temankan Mak makan. Mak menyuap nasi perlahan-lahan, masih mengharapkan anak-anak Mak akan makan bersama. Setiap hari Mak berharap begitu. Hanya Ayah yang duduk bersama Mak di meja makan setiap malam. Ayah tahu Mak penat sebab berjalan jauh. Siang tadi Mak pergi ke rumah Mak Uda di kampung seberang untuk mencari rebung. Mak hendak masak rebung masak lemak cili api dengan ikan masin kesukaan anak-anak Mak.

Ayah tanya Mak kenapa Mak tidak telepon suruh anak-anak jemput. Mak jawab, "Saya dah suruh Uda telepon budak-budak ni tadi. Tapi Uda kata semua tak berangkat."

Mak minta Mak Uda telepon anak-anak yang Mak tidak boleh berjalan balik sebab hujan. Lutut Mak akan sakit kalau sejuk. Ada sedikit harapan di hati Mak agar salah seorang anak Mak akan menjemput Mak dengan kereta. Mak teringin kalau Ateh yang datang menjemput Mak dengan kereta barunya. Tidak ada siapa yang datang jemput Mak.

Mak tahu anak-anak mak tidak sedar telepon berbunyi. Mak ingat kata-kata ayah, “Kita tak usah susahkan anak-anak. Selagi kita mampu kita buat saja sendiri apa-apa pun. Mereka ada kehidupan masing-masing. Tak payah sedih-sedih. Maafkan sajalah anak-anak kita. Tak apalah kalau tak merasa menaiki kereta mereka sekarang. Nanti kalau kita mati kita masih ada peluang merasa anak-anak mengangkat kita kat bahu mereka.”

Mak faham buah hati Mak semua sudah besar. Along dan Angah sudah beristeri. Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik masing-masing sudah punya buah hati sendiri yang sudah mengambil tempat Mak di hati anak-anak Mak.

Pada suapan terakhir, setitik air mata Mak jatuh ke pinggan. Kueh koci masih belum diusik oleh anak-anak Mak.



Beberapa tahun kemudian Mak Uda tanya Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik, “Mana mak?”.

Hanya Adik yang jawab, “Mak dah tak ada.”  Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik tidak sempat melihat Mak waktu Mak sakit.

Kini Mak sudah berada di sisi Tuhannya bukan di sisi anak-anak Mak lagi.

Dalam isakan tangis, Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik menerpa kubur Mak.

Hanya batu nisan yang berdiri terpacak. Batu nisan Mak tidak boleh bersuara. Batu nisan tidak ada tangan macam tangan Mak yang selalu memeluk erat anak-anaknya apabila anak-anak datang menerpa Mak semasa anak-anak Mak kecil dulu. Mak pergi semasa Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik berada jauh di bandar. Kata Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik mereka tidak dengar handphone berbunyi semasa ayah telepon untuk beritahu mak sakit tenat.

Mak faham, mata dan telinga anak-anak Mak adalah untuk orang lain bukan untuk Mak.

Hati anak-anak Mak bukan milik Mak lagi. Hanya hati Mak yang tidak pernah diberikan kepada sesiapa, hanya untuk anak-anak Mak..

Mak tidak sempat merasa diangkat di atas bahu anak-anak Mak. Hanya bahu ayah yang sempat mengangkat jenazah Mak dalam hujan renyai.

Ayah sedih sebab tiada lagi suara Mak yang akan menjawab soalan Ayah,
"Mana Along?" , "Mana Angah?", "Mana Ateh?", "Mana Alang?", "Mana Kak Cik?" atau "Mana Adik?".

Hanya Mak saja yang rajin menjawab soalan ayah itu dan jawapan Mak memang tidak pernah silap. Mak sentiasa yakin dengan jawapannya sebab mak ambil tahu di mana anak-anaknya berada pada setiap waktu dan setiap ketika. Anak-anak Mak sentiasa di hati Mak tetapi hati anak-anak Mak ada orang lain yang mengisinya.

Ayah sedih. Di tepi kubur Mak, Ayah bermonolog sendiri, "Mulai hari ini tidak perlu bertanya lagi kepada Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik , "Mana mak?" "

Kereta merah Ateh bergerak perlahan membawa Ayah pulang. Along, Angah, Alang dan Adik mengikut dari belakang. Hati ayah hancur teringat hajat Mak untuk naik kereta merah Ateh tidak kesampaian. Ayah terbayang kata-kata Mak malam itu, "Cantiknya kereta Ateh, kan Bang? Besok-besok Ateh bawalah kita jalan-jalan kat Kuala Lumpur tu. Saya akan buat kueh koci buat bekal."

"Ayah, ayah....bangun." Suara Ateh memanggil ayah. Ayah pengsan sewaktu turun dari kereta Ateh..

Terketar-ketar ayah bersuara, "Mana Mak?"

Ayah tidak mampu berhenti menanya soalan itu. Sudah 10 tahun Mak pergi namun soalan "Mana Mak?" masih sering keluar dari mulut Ayah sehingga ke akhir usia.



Sebuah cerita pendek buat tatapan anak-anak yang kadang-kadang lupa persaan ibu. Kata orang hidup seorang ibu waktu muda dilambung resah, apabila tua dilambung rasa.
Kata Rasulullah saw. ibu 3 kali lebih utama dari ayah. Bayangkanlah berapa kali ibu lebih utama dari isteri, pekerjaan dan anak-anak sebenarnya. Solat sunat pun Allah suruh berhenti apabila ibu memanggil. Berapa kerapkah kita membiarkan deringan telepon panggilan dari ibu tanpa berjawab?

There are no perfect fathers - Thai Life Insurance

Kelly Clarkson - Already Gone

Colbie Caillat - I Never Told You

Allah Maha Mengetahui ....

my nephew aiman is staying with my parents, his grandparents, for awhile. his nanny (maid) has gone back to indonesia for eid - a month & a half leave. since his mama & ayah both work, they had to ask help from the grandparents.

aiman has become very attached to his tokbah. tokbah is his air to breathe. next comes tokma. then baklong, bibik ani & bibik sinah. maklong comes last because maklong doesn't have the patience to layan  his antics.

come on sya! he's only 21months old!

that why i said, Allah Maha Mengetahui.

with my short temper, He has shown me that i will not be ready to have a child and even adopt one. i am too stern (i think). i give up!

i love my nephews to bits but like i said ... i am very stern :(

i tried ... and yes, i am out of practice but, i tried and i can see in aiman's intelligent eyes & mind that he's on to me. he doesn't trust me. poor aiman, pity me :(

this is what i fear the most. this is what i know. maybe this is teh reason i can't have kids (among other reasons).

that's it.






why am i here? i should just go home. tapi, tu lah kan ... kesian abah mama berbuka berdua je.

i miss him.

i miss you.

i miss us.

i miss ... everything.

i am hommmmmmmmmmme!

alhamdulillah. flight went well except for a few bumpy turbulence.

1st day home ... jetlag & groggy. need to get back to normal time (my body was just getting used to pakistani time).





didn't do alot of shopping for my business but much for the family. abah is happy with his trousers, abang din is happy with his shirts and mama is also happy with her white fabric for kain telekung. i also bought for her some fabric for pant suits and blouses.



it was an exciting adventure to go there by myself but i don't think i'll be doing that that often. anxiety level was off the charts!

going around karachi town was worrying enough ... you never know when or where trigger--happy or bomb-ticking people are going to attack. we were quite careful to stay away from places where americans or foreigners would be.

last sunday was their national day and guess what? at 12midnight, sil's neighbours started shooting into the air celebrating independence day! i was fast asleep when the 1st 2 shots woke me up. at 1st i thought it was the generator exploding or something ... then i heard a strewn of shots and immediately jumped out of bed and ran upstairs. it was a spilt level house, my room (guestroom) was downstairs.

everyoen was still awake and i stayed up till after 1am listening to the gunshots & news on tv. they are one trigger-happy nation :o(

what an experience! the last time i heard such sounds was when i was in rotu at uni (old, old story).

i am so glad to be home on my beloved malaysian soil! now to get my bodyclock working right.

it's my 4th day in Karachi.

i want to go homeeeeeeeeeeeeee!  i miss my husband & my family :-S




it's ok here ... no emotional shootings or bombings so far. shopping is ok but also a rush because shops here open at either 11am or 2pm and closes by 6pm and reopens after iftar abt 8pm.

last night was my 1st shopping after terawih. tiring!

am not getting much of what i want ... fabrics are quite expensive now especially since i'm buying what's in season - for eid. so far we've been unlucky to find out of season fabrics which could cost less than the ones now.

kain utk telekung mama belum dapat lagi tapi kain utk seluar & baju kemeja abah & abg din dah ada. baru semalam hantar for tailoring. harap2 dapat by monday b4 my flight.

i really miss home :o(

this week has been a tearful week so far.

just as i was getting over my personal disappointment ... i received news that a childhood friend is sick.

2-3 days ago my friend was admitted for diarrhea with symptoms like food poisoning. however, a ct scan today confirmed she has a long thick tumour in her left abdominal wall. i'm guessing her biggest fear is colon cancer. she'll be doing her biopsy this monday.

when we spoke on the phone, i couldn't help but cried. i know i shouldn't have but i just did. she's in jb and too far for me to just drive out to visit. furthermore, i'm flying off this monday too. i wish i could give her a big hug and tell her all is going to be ok. i pray it's just a benign which they can just operate it out or shrink it with meds & treatment. i've lost too many friends to cancer and i hope i won't lose another one to it soon.

she expressed her fears and i told her i know exactly how she feels and it's normal to be afraid & worry. what's important is to be hopeful. i told her i had a uterus cancer scare in jan'11. we had to wait 3 weeks to determine what it was. alhamdulillah it was neither a benign or malignant.

dear ame, my heart, prayers & hopes go out to you. be strong & you have us to lean on.

oh ... i forgot to mention. i'm going alone :(

hubby's in a new job so, he can't take any extra leave. am gonna miss him so much!

it'll be my 1st time flying alone & leaving him for 8 days. usually i am the one being left behind.

dah nak buat business sgt ... nah, kena la cekal! (my stomach's churning :( )

this monday i'll be flying to karachi on a business trip.

nak pi cari kain ;)

i've been told that during ramzan, traders do not lie. so i am banking on that to get good honest trade from them. other than that, fabrics in summer are in beautiful colours.

on a social angle, i'm visiting my mom inlaw, sis inlaw & her family there.

bawak skit brg2 utk masak (serai, lengkuas, santan paket, daun kesum etc and of course, kuih raya!

i bought johorean pineapple tarts & suji. hmmm 6 bottles... should i buy something else?

2 more days to pack & get ready.

as i lay to sleep, this thought came to mind ...

i am not a mother, i might never be one & i can't advice you on how to be a mother;

but i have a mother and, i know how my actions & words affect her. i can share with you how not to hurt your mother (& father).

that is all i can offer.

i miss my friends ... i miss having a good laugh with them ... i miss my friends.

Dear DrNotts

i miss you!

sya cuba call office a few times (takde la banyak kali sangat) tapi takde rezeki utk dapat akak. sekali tu je dapat, itu pun masa sya on the way to jb or somewhere and the line was bad.

how are you? i've been reading yr blog. i love yr pictures. nak tinggal comment, takleh hehehe ... sya duk baca yr entries sambil tersenyum sorang2. i love the way you write. it's like you're right in front of me.

i've been meaning to go and visit you but time is abit hectic lately. i plan to visit u soon after i come back from my trip.

i know you are ok and i hope to see you soon.

selamat berpuasa ye kak dan maaf zahir & batin kalau sya ada tersalah kata/buat.



* jangan marah ye sya tulis disini. i think it's cute though hehehe (angkat bakul sendiri hehehe)
pssst ... i dont mean to sound needy or whiney. just missing friends ...

apa menu berbuka hari ni?

mama buat kuih sri kaya ubi. it's a family fav & recipe. i also heard she made kari kepala ikan. abah's fav. i'd have roti canai with it.

sya mintak mama buatkan kerabu. anything that can be made into a kerabu. i want lots of veggies. the other things on my list would be sambal belacan & terlur goreng cilipadi. this is my recipe. cilipadi hijau cut into tiny pieces, add to the whisked eggs + salt & pepper. fried just like scrambled eggs. really spicy!

kuih manis dah ada. kuih tak manis, it's either cucur udang, pulut panggang or vadee masala. all my fav!

tak sabaarrrr hehehe

my days ahead

we're back from jb, about 45mins ago.

what a day! on the way back, like i said, wasn't a direct journey home. we left the hotel's parking at 5.20pm and actually started our journey back at 6.35pm. yup, we were at the tol at that time. we managed to break fast at machap's r&r because he drove at a speed of 160kmph. gerunnyaaaa

tomorrow's another day.

since we're sleeping over at my parents', my car's at home. so i need his help to send me back while on his was to work.

b4 9am i have to be at my 'office' to hand in the cheque (done). then i have to go to the other office (my actual office) to print out the visa form, pay the visa fees, check my stock etc (done, done but didn't check stock. aircond not working, office really stuffy).

around 11am, i plan to do some shopping (inners, new pants & grocery shopping for my sil ~ the one in karachi) at either 1 utama or subang parade b4 hubby calls to pick him up at the service station (his car) in subang. (none in this paragraph was done. instead i went to see the doctor. did a urine test, negative. now to wait for the blood test. went straight home to nap.)

from there, either he goes back to work in kl by commuter/lrt or we both go to kl and i'll wait till his office hour ends then, drive home with him.

(the rest of my plans are still on. pergi @ tak ke karachi, kena buat visa dulu)
thursday morning i have to be at the embassay b4 9am. stay the whole day in kl. collect visa at 4.30pm and drive back to shah alam to break fast. i hope hubby agrees to ride with me to kl ( dpt sya tido dlm kereta jap)

friday, parents going back to kb. sya hantar ke subang airport. from airport i have to go to ttdi to get the raya cookies for sil. breaking fast separately from hubby; him with his mates, me with my cousin.

saturday is a lazy day until later in the evening where we have to pick up his cousins from saudi for breaking fast. they're here on a holiday/work, hence we'd like to take them out for food. reminder to self: call the airport limo for monday's flight.

sunday would be last minute shopping for karachi. picking parents up from airport at noon (i think). then need to pack my bags and get hubby's things in order since i'll be away for a week.

monday 8th, i have to be at the airport by 10.45 for my 12.25 (6hrs) flight.


writing this down already tires me! i'm going to bed ... aslmkm :o)

1st day of ramadhan & he has to travel to south. tak sampai hati tgk dia pi sorang2. altho i slept most of the way, i did kept him company when i was awake.

different company but same job scope. most would take 3.5-4hrs to get to jb, we took 7hrs! he drove fast but he had to stop at many places for site visits, hence why i slept most of the way.

tmrw i'll stay back at the hotel. he'll go out for meetings & we'll check out later at 2 on our way back to kl. mind u, it won't be a direct journey too.

the rest of the week, my days are numbered b4 my trip to karachi on the 8th. hectic ...!