home sweet home ...

finally ... familiar ground & some stability.

time is ticking ... on the run again soon ... yup, starting tomorrow.

... i crave for stability! living out of a bag is getting to me ....

somuchtodobutstilltravelling

cuti-cuti

we're on a bus, Aeroline, to Singapore for a holiday till saturday then driving back to KB by car the next day. coming back to KL on the 29th.

cuti-cuti sblm dia start kerja baru.

i feel so bummed out ... literally!

sigh...

i am so happy with myself!

in our quest for a baby, we went thru 2 IUI cycles and failed. as heartbreaking as it is, one good thing came out of this. during both cycles, i'd stop drinking coffee, milo and tea. i only took ovaltine 'o' kosong.

now, i don't want any if those drinks. coca-cola also tastes weird. i still want some sweet drink but i don't crave it anymore. i can drink more plain water.

my aim now is to cut off all sugary drinks. i can do it!

swimming partner

yes, you read it right!

i have found my swimming partner!

she's my friend who is also a bidan & tukang urut.

i has a massage session with her yesterday afternoon and then we agreed to meet up for a  swim.

i was so exhausted, i was yawning as we swam hehehe

we weren't really swimming. my friend and her daughter do not how how to swim, i do but i haven't been swimming for the last 7 months.

so what we did was walking from one end to the other non-stop. halfway through i forgot how many laps we did but we were in the pool for 45minutes. i kept track of the time.

as tired and sleepy as i was, it was hard to fall asleep. it took awhile and i think i had a weird dream which i couldn't remember.

anyway ... it was a good start :o)

i plan to ask my friend to come again on saturday if our schedules are clear. we plan to swim together at least 2x a week and more.

yeay!

i just realised that i have given up so many things in my life.

where do i start, what should i do to be alive again?

where can i find 'me' again?

i hear a voice in my heart/mind ~~ start by losing weight. food is not the answer to my loneliness.

yes, it is not.

i want to feel good again. i do good by taking care of others and yet neglect my needs. i convinced myself that i was doing good but actually am not, for me & others too.

cepat lah ...

i wonder when he's going to give me back my camera.

i am eager to take pics of my cotton fabrics and start my online biz.

previous plan was to rent a booth at subang parade's weekend bazaar but astonishingly all tables were taken up within 4hrs after announcement :o(

my fault. i opened my email too late.

so, on to 2nd plan.

cepatla abang ... sya nak camera tuuuuu!

.

... it's our nature to judge others ... and in our nature to blame others for our mistakes (Desperate Housewives 6, 4.30pm, 10th June 2011)

.

choices

why is it ... whenever i think or plan to go back to working, my teaching & training career, my anxiety level shoots up over the roof?

my heart starts skipping beats ... and i go into panic mode.

i know in my heart that i am a good teacher. i can connect with my students. but many a times, i question my abilities. i don't know why.

i resigned in late 2004. i freelanced in 2005 -2007 & till mid 2009. 2008 was the year i took care of my mother after her bypass and we also went for Haj.

late 2009 till now, i revived my hobby-cum-business selling cotton fabrics from Pakistan.

it was my choice to make the choices that i made. the outcome was  not always good or positive but i have no regrets, insyaAllah. i made the right choice at that moment in time.

now it is time to make new ones.

i wish myself good luck!