my cousin wrote this on her wall:

I have completed my self and I am whole. My another half is me and my happiness comes frm me...I create happiness for me and my contentment is frm HIM...



it takes a strong person to make such a statement.

i wish i could've said that too.

but i can't for now for i am still searching who i am and how to feel complete & whole.

good for you, cousin!

it's disheartening when you watch your old parents quarrel.

it's not about money but ego & pride.

*sigh*

my dad doesn't suffer fools gracefully.

my mom's a simple woman with simple questions.

it's sad that at an old age, some habits die hard and sensitivity heightens.

itu ada 3 anak dewasa ... i hope we don't end up like them when we're old.

such a sad night.

Tanah kubur

di Astro Oasis ada rancangan bertajuk "Tanah Kubur" yang menceritakan kisah seorang penggali kubur yang menemui perbagao insiden yang menakutkan ke atas mayat yang hendak ditanam akibat dari perbuatan mereka ketika mereka masih hidup.

rancangannya hanyalah utk 30min tapi cukup menyedarkan diri sya. episod2 lain boleh dilihat di youtube. just type 'tanah kubur'






Ya Allah, ampunkan dosaku. jangan pudarkan nur dihatiku. cerahkan lagi nur itu. semoga hambaMu ini tidak sesat jalan & sentiasa kembali ke jalan yang benar. aminn.

ini peringatan khusus buat diri sya & untuk umat islam secara umum.




**
just as i was posting this entry, the programme showed it's future episode. it was about a wife & her duties. just before her burial, there was smoke coming out of her and when in the ground, the cemetery keeper saw fire spitting out of her grave, nauzubbilllah!

wonderful news!

late last night, i received a surprise call from an old friend & colleague, Nizam.

he gave me one of the most exciting news ever.

he's getting married!

i am so so happy for him.

i'm not sure i can attend his wedding next sunday but i pray that he & his future wife all the happiness that Allah has instore for them. may Allah bless them both.

i am so excited about this news.

if only i could tell you all that is in my heart & on my mind.

J

an old wound will bleed again once in a while, just for it to heal abit better than before.





this is i felt a moment ago.

J is still in my FB and i received an email from her, under another name, requesting for friendship. i assumed that it's her new online business.

as much as she has hurt me, i hold no grudges against her, insyaAllah. i could be mean and just ignore but why would i want to hurt her just because she had hurt me? i don't like that feeling.

so, i accepted her new nick and insyaAllah will help promote it. rezeki masing2 kan?

i just hope this is a right choice and she doesn't hurt me anymore. i also wish she would be honest with me one day.



*my poor sad bleeding heart*

tidbits from the box (tv & cinema)

~  i love the way House slaps Cuddy's butt. it surprises the h*** out of her hehehe (House 7)

~  it was nice to watch Grissom watching his wife, Sara bonding with his mom, Mrs.Grissom on the new season of CSI 11.

~ it's heart-warming to watch that Danno & Steve are looking after each other's back since they became crime fighting partners on Hawaii 5-0 (season 2)

~ i am forever in awe of those who participate on the Master Chef show, including Junior Master Chef. woohoo for Australians!

~ i loved Thor! gimme Thor any time of the day than the pale vampire :oP

~ Something Borrowed: Kate Hudson (Darcy) forever the party girl. i wish Dex (Colin Egglesfield) was such a whimp. Rachel (Gennifer Goodwin) is the best friend all girl friends would want, the one they can walk all over or who would always agree with them. i would have loved Racheal to end up with Ethan (John Krasinski) than Dex. bummer!

~ who's the next AI 2011? Haley's really sexy, Lauren is just a girl & Scotty is just too innocent for me. i'm rooting for Haley!

~ CSI (11) Las Vegas sure has alot of bombings this season.





anyone wants to add?

AI 2011

i can't decide who i like the best.

all 3 finalist are good.

i love the innocence of scotty, the beautiful soul of lauren and the sultryness of haley.

all 3 are unique.

i leave it to america to vote ;o)



*i think steven tyler is the best judge ever! i love steven tyler :oD

goodbye for now ...

hubby tendered in his resignation today.

when he texted his SM about it, i could see tears trickling down his cheek.

i understand. it wasn't easy for him to admit he's finally leaving the company after being with it close to 14+ years.

i got teary too.

however, i agreed with him that it was time for him to move on ... hopefully to greener pastures.

i pray & wish him all the best.

it's a new beginning for the both of us.


.

happy teacher's day to all my friends who are teachers (including lecturers, facilitators, trainers & educators). whatever the title, you work towards improving knowledge, skills & life. may Allah keep on blessing you :o)

blogger has been down for a few days just when i needed to blog the most.

bummer ...!

now, since it is back on & running smoothly ... i have nothing to blog about hehehe

at this moment ... am so so sleepy.

waiting for hubby to finish his work.




zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

listening to the song below & pondering the quote i posted on fb ... made me realise ... i don't suffer fools gracefully, especially when it's my own foolishness & vulnerability.

but then again, my own is the best place to start with ... kan?




********************************************************




when he's away, that's when i usually have alot on my mind.

the fact that i still can't pray ... doesn't make it worse but just a bit unbearable.




********************************************************




sometimes i forget.

i have to try and remember this ... always.

my happiness is not in anyone else's hands except mine.

not my husband's, my parents', siblings', friends' ... not even the general public.

just mine.

remember that, sya!

GLEE - Regionals "Get It Right" Full Performance

Abah kata ...

~ 'NO' is not the only word you can use to decline someone's request. there are a hundred ways. find & learn them.


~ how to be a smart person?
1. learn from people around you who have made mistakes & learn from them so you do not repeat them.
2. it's ok to make mistakes but learn & do not repeat them.
3. if you keep making the same mistakes, than you're not being smart at all!


~ before you set any rules, look at yourself in the mirror first. are you practicing those rules? if not, no point imposing those rules on others. lead by example.


~ always be accountable for your actions. life would be much simple to live than trying to lie & outwit others all the time.

sometimes i try so hard and end up being accused of being insincere.

i give up.

i don't have the strength or power to change anyone's mind but my own.

i accept.

take it or leave it, as i am.

i am here.

i'm going home tomorrow :o)

my hands are just itching to overhaul the house.

this is what usual happens when i'm away from home for too long.

sedih ...

aiman is moving to melaka.

his mom, my sil, has been promoted and transferred to melaka from kajang.

aiman was far enough to visit when he's in kajang and now moving farther away to melaka.

tok bah & tok ma are going to miss him terribly. so will maklong (me) & paklong.

on the bright side, melaka will be one of our holiday destination.

take care, aiman. listen to your mama & ayah ye ... grow up to be a good boy!

congratulations to ina on your promotion.

my brother mahd is one happy man who finally has his family with him in melaka.

Happy Mother's Day to all who are mothers :o)

You are dearly loved by your loved ones!

i 'talk' too much to my blog.


what can i do?

i have no one to talk to.

everyone's busy. i don't want to disturb anyone.

i keep to myself and to my blog. i also know i have to be careful ...

i wish my blog could reply .... your comments are welcomed too but really, i wish my blog could really reply *hiks*

i want to be happy again. i want to cheer my heart up. i don't like being sad.

i did nothing wrong. u misunderstood me. u want to punish me, go ahead. u are a part of my life but u do not get to dictate whether i am happy or not and neither do i on u. whatever i feel it is because i want to feel it.

i have had enough of sorrow. i want to be happy.

i am happy.

i am happy with my life.

i wouldn't change even one bit of it. i have complained about it but i am happy with how my life has unfold so far. i cherish the ups & downs He has given us to face because He made us value what we have & let go (altho still trying) of what we do not have. i look forward to what Allah has in store for us.

dah beberapa hari sya bersedih. Allah saw my tears, heard my cries & syukur alhamdulillah, Allah menceriakan hati sya kembali. thank you, Allah.

awak menyedihkan hati saya. saya mengalah dan redha dgn airmata.

inflasi ...

duit mengalir mcm air je ... mcm2 nak dibayar.

nak merungut boleh tapi sya nak bersyukur. walaupun lubang poket makin besar, alhamdulillah kami dapat bayar bil2 & hutang2 yang sepatutnya dibayar.

.

i reactivated my fb again but with a heavy heart.

it still hurts but i am moving on.

benda baik2 je yg sya nak cari.

blog ini lah tpt sya mengadu.

since i lost J, i keep to myself here most of the time.





if no one is free to take me out, i think i'll just walk to klcc!

i've just discovered Donna Hay & i'm in love with her! wooohooo!

do u tweet?

i've always been wondering abt twitter. it sounds fun.

since there's no fb, i was thinking of giving it a try.

i registered for it.

as i was going thru the process, my mind was thinking what are you doing? twitter is just like fb. if you're going to tweet, might as well as you reactivate yr fb.

it got me thinking.

fb & twitter are not the same ... but similar. why am i doing this??!

lo & behold, i deactivated twitter too!




ok, i'm bored. not that bored but trying to get use to not watching the screen to see if anyone updated their fb so that i can respond ...! hahaha pathetic!

nasib baik ada blog, boleh 'cakap' sorang2!


:oP you win some, you lose some ...

it suddenly dawned on me why there is a gloomy dark cloud looming above my head the last few days.

i think i've over exposed myself and i do't feel good about it.

i'm not suppose to do that to myself but when i write i try to be as clear as possible and there are risks involved.

i'm already taking some time out from FB ... maybe my blogs too? i dunno.

i have to think about it.



hmm....