hari ni sya bersyukur

1. che sya (my grandpa) dah sihat skit. insyaAllah esok discaj dari hospital. maybe abah mama can come home soon.

2. walaupun mual, abdomen mcm tegang je hari ni ... sya masih boleh drive cari makan. takde mood nak masak or suruh bibik masak. selera bertukar - less of tempe. now nak nasi yg berempah - beryani, nasi tomato etc. mengada? maybe ;)

3. reconnected with a lost friend. 2 years + to get here, no more anger or sadness, just acceptance. sya akur dgn ketentuanNya.



i am happy. alhamdulillah :)

13th week

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alhamdulillah.

i'm now in my 13th week ....

1st trimester is over!

am so excited :)


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gratitude

everyday we  ... i pray for something that i want - something to get, happen or get rid of; someone to contact, see or forget; time to do something or go somewhere ... always. but i realise i ask more than taking time to feel bless with what i alrteady have.

of course, i always say alhamdulillah for this and that but honestly, not as much as asking for what i want.

so ... today, this very second, i would like to list a few things that i am grateful for.

syukur alhamdulillah for
1. parents who are well & healthy
2. a caring & loving husband
3. being pregnant & coming to my 2nd trimester
4. waking up to another beautiful rainy day
5. clarity and may i use it to good use.

it's a start ...

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alhamdulillah.

i'm now in my 13th week ....

1st trimester is over!

am so excited :)


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reading back ... what an ungreatful person i am!

life is so much more meaningful when you focus on doing good than scrutinising what others are doing.

i regret my doings but i have also learned.

i hope to do better & be better the next second onwards.

insyaAllah.

it's sad when you try to be close but they just to busy to bother or feel that you're intruding.

i try to keep a regular connection with my brothers & their wives but many times my calls are unanswered or unreturned. text messages are the same.

i guess my asking of how they are are intrusive.

many a times i miss my brothers. at this age i want us to be closer but i feel they feel and think that i am just a busy body.

some nights i predict the future ....

when our parents are gone, we might never see each other again. live separate lives.

i try, i do but i am always misunderstood. that is why the last few years i have devoted my life to be by those who love me as i love them: hubby, my parents, my mother-inlaw, my hubby's sister & her family. i also try to give my love to my nephews as and when i see them which is not very often.

i think my brothers know that i am here for them but sadly i don't feel the same.

i wonder what the future holds ...

ya Allah
dlm kesyukuranku
hatiku berduka
hanya kpdMu
kuserahkan kedukaan ini
mencari ketenangan dariMu
aminn

a very quiet day ....

abah & mama are still in pasir mas.

che's condition changed several times in the last few days between getting well and going into a sleep-like state.

mama says that he has been weak, eyes closed most of the time and eats/drinks very little.

until they are sure that he'll be ok, they'll still be by che's side.

he's in my prayers ... semuanya ketentuan Allah. semoga Allah permudahkan segala urusan che.