updates

1.

• balik raya ke-3 ke KB.
• started at 9am, arrived at 9.30pm ... yup, 12hrs plus  a few short toilet stops and a 3+hr jam from Macanh to Tanah Merah.
• another 12hr drive back to KL. started at 6am, sampai 6.15pm di shah alam. we only stopped about an hour at kuala lipis for food & a nap.

2.

• both down with fever, flu & coughing since we got back :(

3.

• am having an ear infection in my left ear and a sinus infection in my right ear ... jalan mcm tak balance je.
• esok jumpa ENT specialist.

4.

• pus came out from a cyst in my left breast.
• panic giler!
• had a check, neither a benign nor malignant, just a cyst but have to take it out soon. day surgery next week.

5. baru plan nak buat makan2 ajak kawan2 yg dah lama tak jumpa ... kena postpone.

how can i explain this sadness in my heart ...?

in the midst of eid preparation, my heart is gripped by such sadness that has left me in tears numerous times today.

i just couldn't explain why.

iamsoverysad.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

ampun maaf jika ada salah & silap laku-kata

semoga meriah ceria sambutan raya bersama keluarga tersayang

facts:
~ no kids of our own
~ seldom see nephews & nieces, so quality time is limited

today's reflection:
~ Allah knows best.
~ He knows i need time to get use to having a toddler around 24/7.
~ He knows my temper will subside and i will love aiman as he is, a 21mo toddler.
~ He knows my heart will open to this lil boy and love will flow so much from my heart for him.

results:
~ am thinking again about adopting.
~ it wouldn't be so bad, wouldn't it? i mean ... i won't be such a bad mother, would i?
~ i think i am capable of having a kid of my own, albeit he/she is adopted.

i love aiman, of course i do! but what excites me is that we've bonded the last few days. i love it when he's into me. 'mbaklong' is what he calls me. the kisses he gives me and when his tiny hand holds my index finger. i love it when we play run & catch. it's amazing to see how his lil legs run ... so fast!

i wish i could tell my brothers & sils how lucky they are to have children, no matter how challenging it is to raise them. they don't know how lucky they are. they have the privileged in having Allah's trust to take care one of his possessions, the children. the one thing we could or might not have one of our own.

i feel overwhelmed ....

Count Me Out | Real Simple

Count Me Out Real Simple



i read this article in one of my fav mags ~ Real Simple.

it got me thinking & made me realise, i am just like the author of the article, Helen Schulman.

i count, nearly everything.

• when it's about money, everything has to be exact, right to the sen, unless you tell me otherwise (round it up).
• increasing or lowering the volume of the radio or tv, i'd always choose an even number ~ 8, 10, 12, 22, 32 etc.
•  i'd sum up license plates to know if they add up to 8 which Chinese believe to bring good luck. why i bother, i don't know!
• i count days to my ovulation date and days to my next period.

... to list a few.

Schulman's right. i have to stop counting to have a life. it is stressful.

can i do it? i hope so. i will try.

maybe i should stop counting the hour before i go to bed and get up for sahur ... that's a good start.

when out of the blue, i suddenly remember and thought of you ... was it because you were thinking of me? or is it just me suddenly remembering you?

fortunately, it rarely happens.

for ego's sake, i think you were thinking of me because i rarely thought of you.





case of exs.

tokbah went for terawih tonight. it wasn't easy to sneak out when you have a toddler being your shadow.

tokma & maklong plus bibik ani had to go through great lengths to distract this smart toddler. barney had a hand in it too.

among all four, tokma wins the cake. aiman only wants tokma. maklong has to sit outside of the tv room. yup, outside of the room.

watching his lil chubby body climbing, running & bumping into tokma, i had to ask ... ma, are you ok? (my mom is 60+, had a bypass 3 yrs ago, is diabetic and as strong as she is, she is tired this fasting month. i'm just concerned about her.)

mama ok, sya. penat  but i am very happy. bukan selalu mama dpt main dgn cucu.  aiman gave her a big hug!

i'm happy seeing my mama happy. so i let them be and watched from behind the sliding door :)

1.
detikan waktu hampir separuh malam
dengkuran tidurmu cuma perlahan
hatiku bergetar kesyukuran
Allah kurniakanku kasih jodoh yg berpanjangan.


2.
ayong, maklong ... panggilan si kecil buatku
terukir senyum bak bunga kembang harum ditaman
kupanjat doa dan kesyukuran kpd Illahi
kurniaan anak2 saudara yg menghiburkan hati.


3.
2-3 kucing berlari
mana nak sama dgn si kucing belang
5-6 hari lagi akhirnya Ramadhan
setahun lagi baru kembali menjelang.

Aiman & O-Bah

when i came back from karachi, i came back to find my nephew, aiman, is staying with my parents for a while ... a month & a half, to be exact.

it's a week now and i am still in awe & jaw-dropping mode.

why?

i totally didn't recognize this new man, my father, TokBah or O-Bah as aiman affectionately calls him.

i grew up with a very stern father. when he's home on weekends, we'd have to creep around the house to play.

having aiman around has made him into a total softie!

i have never ever seen him so patient with a child, more so that aiman is very into his grandad. they're like soulmates.

whenever O-Bah comes home, aiman would be running as fast as his 21month old legs could take him to greet his Obah at the door.

aiman will never sleep with anyone except with O-Bah and no one can enter the tv room when both of them are there.

nannak! nannak! maklong kuwau! kuwau! (taknak, taknak, maklong keluar!)

aiman & O-Ma are kamcheng too. aiman will only listen to O-Bah & O-Ma. well, that's good, isn't it?

me, maklong ... i'm on the sidelines hehehe ... i will only be useful to aiman when O-Bah, O-Ma, bibik ani & bibik sinah are not around. oh yeah ... i also come last after Baklong (Paklong). i don't mind, which i did at 1st. silly me, getting upset with a toddler.

now i happily sit and watch the world of aiman go round & round among his fav peeps.

kesian O-Bah. he's really into his grandson but he's also very2 tired.

like what O-Ma said ... dah, nak cucu sayang dia ... hah, dah jadi mcm sepasang kekasih dah hehehe




i also worry what will happen when the day comes when aiman has to leave and go back to melaka when his maid/nanny comes back. i predict O-Bah will be grouchy and i pray that aiman won't get sick missing his O-Bah.

nasi dagang, acar, kari ayam, gulai ikan tongkol, sambal udang, sambal kelapa.
nasi beryani sindhi.
nasi tomato.
nasi kerabu.
nasi himpit, satay, kuah kacang, sambal kelapa, sayur lodeh, sambal sotong kering, serunding daging.
nasi lemak bungkus seringgit, sambal tumis,sambal kerang, ikan bilis goreng, telur rebus, kangkong celur, kacang tanah goreng, mentimun, rendang.
mee goreng, bihun goreng, kuey teow goreng, bihun goreng putih.
laksa kelantan, laksa assam/penang,
cake, kuih raya, kerepek, kekacang, murtabak, karipap.
air kordial, canned drinks, h2o, kopi, teh.